She used my old phone and found the messages I sent to QQ.And ultimately , that led to a confrontration.
She called me and ask whether Im a P . Im dead.
But the worst thing is , she is crying all the way and it hurts me so bad knowing that i have made her so sad.
I would rather her scolding me , than her cying .
Deep down inside , i feel so guilty for hurting her heart , knowing that her perfect son is imperfect after all as it is still unaccepted to most people that guys are in love with guys.
But 1 thing i realised is that she thought that all P's are pondans who wear sissy girly clothes , act like girls , wear makeups , fake long hairs , high heels and tissue-stuffed bras.
Why is there such assumptions in their mind?
Im no way near that .
I discussed the matter with QQ and it seems that im in a deep shit DILLEMA now .
If i lied to her and promise her that i will be 'normal' and find a girl,get married , have babies , how long can i hide the truth ? How long should i lie through my guts and 'hoi tai ngan ghong tai wah '(open eyes big and lie)?
3 months , 1 year or perhaps my entire lifetime.
But if i dont , i will hurt the people i cared most dearly and break their heart .And the chance of them accepting me for who i am is nearly 0.
What should i do ?
(tulS where are you? need some advice since bubu is out )
To be continued......
Hey saw your comments in my blog. Though it's not directed to me but I am a bit curious about this. Again don mind my 2 cents as I am jz passing ur blog but if your mom knows might as well go all out because she can't take the second lie again if she find out the second time (which I guess she will eventually) let her know that we r not what she thinks. Phases of denial, distress and depress will come and go but acceptance will always be in the end if she loves you enough. You can't make everyone happy, parent's happiness may b a high priority of yours but your own us the upmost importance. =) good luck, XD I hope everything will b fine for ya.
ReplyDeletei agree with vincent. You can lie to her now but you can't lie to her forever. Above everything else, you can NEVER lie to yourself.
ReplyDeleteIMHO, just wait till the situation is less hostile, then sit down and talk to her nicely and try to make her understands.
Every mother loves their children after all =)
No matter how, your mum will still pray and hope that you can turn straight a day...most ppl esp mum will think that gay is feminine & sissy...can't help..good luck for you.
ReplyDeleteHi.. Interesting :) hope you don't mind with my 2cents. The best thing you could do now is to keep low, let everything stabilize first and find one good day to talk to your mum about how you feel about being P and tell her what you really want. Surely your mum can't accept this for now but time will change people. :) anything happen for reason ok?
ReplyDeletethanks for the advices .really appreciate them.
ReplyDeletevincent> agree that self happiness matters, but for now , i will lie for the moment for my mom to cool down and be happy first.Mayb when everyting settles down , then ill confront her again.
jason> agreed.its never good to rush into a warzone unarmed.
skyhawk>for now , most parents menatality are as said . really envy those whose parents are really open and proud for it .
Becks>i do hope that to come. then , it will be perfect. thanks fr dropping by